Beyond Self-Control and other great Jedi Mind Tricks

A possible interpretation of the Dresden Dolls’ The Mouse and the Model

By Robert Welburn Standlee

Sometimes things strike me so strongly that I can’t help write about them even if my common sense says, “you really don’t want to say that. what the hell are people gonna think?” Well, having paid lip service to that thought it never stopped me writing songs about grrls who would pose for playboy if the money was right or the idea that they’d do that instead of accepting Almighty Salvation from an Anemic Jesus who needs a Transfusion. Nor has it stopped me from reading and writing about Marxist and Socialist Philosophy which seems to point to the fact that Freedom in any form really begins with a DOLLAR SIGN…I could go on about my apparent lack of common sense but I think you get the idea and now I will feel free to further incriminate myself on the above titled subject which if you’ve been following my myspace it all is so obvious already.

I’m not going to jump right into this song and start telling you what I think it is about. Instead I want to make an observation of the trend in our western society towards Gender Bendedness. Looking back I suppose the most obvious place to look was David Bowie or Marc Bolan going all the way back to 1972. It was also at this time that a great number of Gay men came out of the closet publicly to make themselves an active political force.
But in Pop Music Elton John, Queen, Bowie, these were just a few to mark the beginning of at least a “lifestyle” that seems to keep evolving each decade and growing stronger. By the time of the British Invasion of the Eighties make up had become a unisexual commodity. It was “trendy” to say you were bisexual whether you were or not (but not really so much in TEXAS). By the Nineties words like Androgyny were replacing words like Queer or Homo….You’re preferences were usual represented by the clothes you wore (Don’t you look at all my Leather Vests and Motorcycle boots like that). Finally, we arrive at the 21st Century and the younger generation’s heroes are Nick Cave, PJ Harvey, Thom Waits, Radiohead, The Cure. The terms Punk, Goth, Emo, are all fused together in the clothes they wear and what appears to be the thing they care about most: Live Fast, Die Young, And leave a Good Looking Corpse.” That was what my friends (who are now forty) used to say. America has arrived at a fully Sexually Liberated Generation and it won’t be long until they enter politics. In such away that the face of America will go from that of the Marlboro Man to Marilyn Manson. Hey, they both wear Cowboy hats.

Enter Amanda Palmer and her buddy Brian Viglione, aka The Dresden Dolls. Singer/Songwriter Palmer delivers disturbing, emotional, perhaps scolding, images of the reality of this Sexual Revolution which I think is great Content. I wish I had thought about it. Professed as Bisexual herself she does not necessarily sing songs that revel in the lifestyle. No, actually if anything her songs cut you down (no pun intended) at a very basic level where you wonder “Because I have decided I am this way, does that mean I must make certain decisions”
Her music is about finding love in all of this Transgendered confusion and she sings ominous warnings of making drastic changes.

So that brings me to the point where I tear apart this song and put it under my magnificent magnifying mind and I’m even fantasizing that Ms. Palmer will someday read this and say, “Gosh, That’s was an amazing dissection of my song! Great Job! You hit the nail on the head! Let me buy you a Red Bull.” I will start by joyfully writing down the lyrics for your enjoyment and realize that I think this song is BRILLIANT…I could have never written this song. if I had tried my song would be nothing like it and possibly just to stupid and embarrassing to listen to.

Nothing is certain at this time of day.
you could reverberate or you could decay.
the mouse and the model are laughing at us.
we’ll risk it were desperate for someone to trust

let’s start a new heart
the new charts are in
we’ll take them we’ll break them
we’ll make them give in

by counting your blessing you end up in debt
it starts with your family and ends in your bed
you Jekyll and Hyde it when you could have let
your guard down you dress up you must be upset

Let’s start a new heart
the new charts are in
we’ll take them we’ll break them
we’ll make them give in

It’s dark over here on the flipside of reason
the teaser could be something easy like
they did it in a book
you’re a crook
you’re a fake
you’re committed
if you did it say you did it if you didn’t suck it up and say you did

oh oh…..oh…..oh…oh.. (my favorite part)

let’s start a new heart
the new charts are in
we’ll tax them, relax them, and make them forfeit

the vote by a landslide
for Jekyll and Hyde
Mackenzie, Macavity
Bonnie and Clyde

oh..oh…..oh……oh…..oh….

Let’s be blunt. This song is about cross dressing. I’m not sure if it could be about a grrl. I’m not a grrl I don’t know anything about how grrls cross dress. This song has to be about a guy cross dressing. I want to look for proof of this in the lyrics but I think instead I will look at the abstract images the lyrics create. a listless afternoon. surfing for grrls on the internet (which I never had). Laughter. Because you know you are a sham. You go off to your college and dress as Johnny Rotten all week only to come home and play Aladdin Sane while wearing women’s clothes. Desperation? You’ve been keeping all this SECRET. No one can find out. And yet at the same time you don’t want to be alone. You are completely and utterly confused.

You are dying to let everyone know and accept you for this behavior.

You run out of fuel. you are ashamed of yourself. the shame just makes it worse. you do it all the same. You ARE Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And somehow you must enjoy it for you just keep suffering.

You are a FAKE alright….as a friend put it to tell anyone about doing these things when I was a kid would amount to being label a “MONSTER FAGGOT SEX NIGGER”. And you can’t admit that you do it.

“if you did it say you did it if you didn’t suck it up and say you did” But the thought IS the crime. It doesn’t matter if you’ve STARTED to do it or not….If you think about it you might as well do it. You’re just as guilty for having wanted to. This isn’t MURDER were talking about. The guilt and shame involved are still awful.


Now before I go any further I have to ask this question. WHY? What makes this situation so painful? It’s that old 1950’s Christian American Upbringing beating us the fuck up with Thou Shalts concerning SEX. Let’s look at the lines to one of MY songs:

men don’t wear lipstick and men don’t wear taint. men don’t talk about their feelings or step out of place.
men don’t cry when their hurting or bother to feel. too quick to judge others and grind them under a heel.
with words of contempt or injustice or shame how dare you show Courage or admit your mistakes
and the Marlboro Man takes a drug off of his hand. but the cigarettes not smoking and the thing that he is choking on is the fact that he is burning up inside.

Where I’m from people look at you real funny if you’re a guy and your wearing lippy in public. It’s just not done here. There just isn’t a large portion of society in Texas that would relate to Dr. Frankenfurter. There’s nothing that can bring out MY homophobia more than a full grown man in drag. But Rocky Horror is not really about any of that being “O.K.” The whole point of Rocky Horror was that to give into your basest fantasies is a recipe for self-destruction. I am reminded of the character Brad. Once again, a product of 1950’s Christian American Upbringing. In the movie he “can’t handle” his own sexuality because morally he has been taught that it is wrong. But it is more than that. Brad has never had the freedom to explore sex at all. Society has made Sex a taboo for him never to be investigated except for what society will allow him to do. Which is to marry Janet.

We all know how Rocky Horror ends. The Good Doctor is executed for giving himself over to “absolute Pleasure”. I believe this is a theme in Ms. Palmer’s work. (thought I had forgotten about her didn’t you?) That even if you’re different and you feel free to do certain things sexually, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. And in her own way she is saying that although we may not have sins like the Marlboro Man, Marilyn Manson’s sins might not be any better. Society is always going to have a boundary for Sexual Conduct whether you are Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered or even VANILLA. As a Christian friend told me, Satan only wants you to do what comes naturally to you. I think Ms. Palmer might agree that her music is really saying “be true to yourself.”

Now, getting back to demolishing this song. My favorite part. the CLIMAX. Perhaps this is the fantasy of the cross dresser. He has recreated himself into his own femme fatale and taken his family with him. Everyone is overjoyed. He gets all the support in the world. He is Dr. Jekyll because he created Mr. Hyde. He is Mackenzie trying to catch Macavity, the Napoleon of Crime. The mystery cat who is never there at the scene of foul play. He is the cat that never gets caught. He is at once Clyde the notorious testosterone driven Bank Robber and his own lover Bonnie.

Yesh, The game is called Pharaoh and Seth....it is to be played with my AUTHENTIC Ancient Egyptian Tarot deck (which I will upload in one of my Galleries in a minute if I remember.)

quick and easy explanation. The game is just like spades. Only there are no trumps....the trumps are the WORDS on the card....In the Egyptian deck the suits are called Crowns, Life, Order, Chaos.....like in spades you would lead with say an ace of a suit let's say Crowns. Everyone must throw a crown and then if everyone did, the ace would win the trick...but if that same player throws out the King of Crowns on the next trick and the player to his left has no more crowns, he can "trump" by throwing a Chaos card like DEFEAT.....this steals the trick for the other players....but if the partner of the player who threw the King has no Crowns they could throw SUCCESS and win back the trick....its kinda like ROCK PAPER SCISSORS but my mom says it reminds her of Shoot the Moon, which I don't even know how to play...I'm still working out the rules to this game....

I have also been being quite the craftsman and I have "constructed" out of found objects gaming boards for the Ancient Egyptian Games Senet and Mehen.....I don't want to go into how they are played. I have found made up rules on line. There is another game called Hounds And Jackyls which I want to make into a board game, but that's for later....

Mehen for example dates back 5000 years....jeez....NO ONE has any idea how the Egyptians played any of these games.....it is a secret the Egyptians carried to their tombs....

Go see my pictures of my work in my gallery....

I'm listening to a CD of me and my friends jamming out....hey hey my my Noise Music will never die....

So for years now I have been doing Ancient Egyptian Art...it even bled over into my music making atonal jandek meets Jimi Hendrix meets "GAWD i'm never gonna take that much ACID again" noise....Recently I joined a (backward) art club here in The Town of Cow....I say backward because all of these people think AMERICAN IMPRESSIONISM is STILL avant-garde...that IMPRESSIONISM itself is in fact something NEW and INNOVATIVE....Picasso, Jackson Pollack, Celcily Brown? They don't even know how to paint man....there work is "CONFUSING"...so I take this Abstract piece to a show they are having at the Hurst library....My painting is too large to hang with the "impressionist" pieces so they find a hardly used room well off to the side where no one will find it and hang it there....the 40 something lady Ramona who ran the library greet us with complete obsequiousness....she could not hide the fact that she realized to late she had made a big mistake inviting these people to hang their work. She said of my piece, "It reminds me of a Rothko (which my painting did not resemble in the slightest, I paint more like Diebenkorn or DeKooning)"I saw his BLACK paintings and I just didn't understand them." I told her Rothko's BLACK paintings were about DEPTH, something she was completely lacking in....

I realized that day if I was ever to get any work hung beside the work of the others that I must work smaller...I had these 4x6 frames for an aborted project I was going to do...I decided I would use them to create little protraits of ALL the EGYPTIAN GOD/DESSES. It was while I was working on the CARD size paintings that I thought of it! WHy not create an Authentic EGYPTIAN TAROT DECK? I had met this 15 year old homeless girl in Denton who I believe was also Bi-polar and off her meds....all she had to her name was this SILLY Egyptian Tarot Deck and she was walking around Fry Street trying to read for everyone....she actaully believed in the Egyptian Gods (I don't remember if she said she was Nefertiti in her last life, so many bi polar Tarot reading grrls do) I was only sad that I could not help this grrl but I remember her and her deck which I never got a good look at, but I could see its major flaw was the CHRISTIAN SYMBOLISM that is really part of MEDIEVIL decks...but I'll explain more of that later....I needed to look at a real Tarot Deck....I rushed out to the Seller of Satanic and Occult Literature Barnes and Noble....there it was right on the shelf next to the Necronomicon and the auto-biography of Anton LeVey...the THOTH deck! design by ALIESTER CROWLEY! I told the clerk I was getting that one because I knew it to be touched by the DEEVIL....I didn't ask him to "hold" it and "touch" but I thought of that later and it would have been even more creepy....anyway, When I got home I looked at all the cards and read a little about them and I was FLOORED...I WAS STUNNED by how much SYMBOLISM and CONTENT were in EVERY SINGLE CARD....I had never thought about it before....and then I realized, if I'm going to translate this in to a REALISTIC EGYPTIAN TAROT....why this could take YEARS...

now, I have always only been a B student and I don't mind making C's....I just have always thought a PASSING grade is enough....I'm prone to not volunteer for work that requires PERFUCKINGFECTION....yet here I was....I might even have to travel to Egypt....dig around...

I started to look for more info that would maybe make my job easier....I found a site on line called TAROTPEDIA....this site is COMPLETE PC and says NOTHING to make you realize that TAROT is a MAGICAL WEAPEON designed to help the CONJURER COMUNICATE WITH THE SPIRIT WORLD...HELLO? IT made NO MENTION of Aleister Crowley OR his THOTH deck as if.....they did not exist...welcome to the computer world of 1984....where sites like this PROTECT you from teh BOOGIEMAN......by not telling you about him....thanks....but i did see one interesting thing....it said on one page that the origins of the deck might have come from the Kelts...bardic tradition of the returning crusading knights told storys that eventually led to the creation of the Medievil Tarot....The site said the decks only went back to 1550 and were create then in Europe.....Crowley asserts that the origins of the deck go all the way back to the times of Moses and that he was a GREAT HEWBREW MAGICIAN innitated by the Egyptian Heirophants....that posiably the Tarot originally came from before that from INDIA...

One thing about the Bardic theory was that all the Tarot decks including the Thoth are crammed full of CHRISTIAN symbolism....the GRAIL MYTH, the GRaIL KING< THE GRAIL QUEEN etcetc....it struck me.....why would I include Chirstian Symbolism in a TAROT deck of the EGYPTIANS when they never had heard of him? I decided to chuck all that.....Goodbye Christian Symbolism...

So now I have a wonderful proto deck made.....I'm sorry I work fast it took me two weeks to do this, but I have been studying Egypt for at least four years.....no I'm not an expert...but I have the proto deck.....and I thought of a game....the game is called Pharoah and then there is a game inside of it called Seth.....all the cards have a word on the card. Just like in regular Tarot. But these words really apply only to the relationship of the King (deck of Crowns) the life suit (ankhs), the suit of Order (wadjets), and the Chaos suit and all of this revolves around what life was like in Egypt...

I'm getting to sleepy to type now so later I will continue. Robertotamun

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the ancient game of Senet
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Robert Standlee
to Clinton, Richard, Richard, richard

show details 7:25 AM (1 hour ago)


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http://www.clevelandart.org/Kids/egypt/senet.html

here you can see a made up version of the game of senet.....I may make up my own rules to the game...but for now let's say I'll use these rules which are a fiction because the Egyptians aparently thought no one would ever NOT remember how it was played....VAIN? maybe..they never wrote down the rules of play....or at least we have not found them yet.....could be somewhere buried still....

now if you are confused as to what I am doing, What I am really on about is making SENET boards......highly crafted and of many sizes until they look sort of like these which belonged to King Tut....http://www.touregypt.net/MUSEUM/tutl69.htm

let me see if I can find another one....http://gouk.about.com/od/travelbyinterest/ig/Tutankhamun-Exhibition/Game-Board.htm

one more maybe but I'm not willing to work in IVORY....let's spare the Elephants shall we? maybe some kind of IVORY PLASTIC....

can't seem to find another example....there are supposed to be two more in the Tut Tomb...

today I'm going to make a simple Senet board from the likes of materials I purchase at Hobby Lobby (boy this stuff will be worth a lot in 300o years......not.....

My game is going to be like the Cleveland Museum rules for right now, but you will roll a D6... if you roll 1 or 5 you go again...BUUTTTTT, if you roll a SIX.....you have to move a piece backward six squares!!!! hahahhahaahaha!

Robertamun, Gaming Draugtsman to the Pharoah.....maker of Intricate art
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so there I was in Berry Good buys. I think I was really looking for a hat....I wandered into the woman's section thinking there might be hats there. on a clothes rack I found it.....a vinatge 1950 Air Force Eisenhower Jacket in close to MINT condition, as if it has been hanging in the back of someone's closet for the last 58 years....no moth holes....no tears in the seams or lining....all the original buttons and snaps in place....the airman insignia was removed from the right arm but it was still attached at the left...In the eighties I owned a 1950 era ike army jacket size 40.. it to was in mint condition....over the years it just got smaller and smaller...I finally gave it to a man the size of a bird who prolly still has it and can wear it to this day....when I was young, studly, and good looking I wore it everywhere I went in Lubbock Texas proudly sporting it to Texas Tech University....one day, some clown offered me 75 dollars for it like I was going to give it to him off my back.....I knew if he was offering me that much he could get at least 150 for it from somebody else....he would have had to give me the coolest leather jacket that I had ever seen for me to give up that ike jacket.....I told him to push off.....well, this amazing $6.50 buy at the berry street thrift store may very well land me 50 to 100 dollars, but first I have to decide what I really want to do with it.....see, It would fit this little elf grrl I know named Kristen....she is right now kinda the apple of my eye yet I really only want to be her friend....sure, I'm not going to kick her out of my bed, but I think that would be the end of any friendship I could have with her.

so the real delimma is not whether or not Kristen and I end up sleeping together which I doubt is going to happen, but it is instead will she totally freak out if I give her a nice gift like this when we really have only met three times....face to face...

I dunno what to do....the 43R ike jacket does not fit me in the slightest...it is ten sizes to small...but don't you think for a minute that I did not try it on....I can JUUUUUST squeeze into it....I look ridiculous...however, I am confused by the size of it....a while back I bought a size 43 Sheriff's ike jacket (i don't know which state or county or anything) it too is too small but it fits me in this strange INDIAN WARRIOR STEALS WHITE MAN"S ARMY JACKET AFTER BATTLE way...the Sherriff's jacket is oddly longer in the waist than the Air Force Jacket although both Jackets are good length in the arms...it is confusing to me the diffences in the two coats....but I really either have to give away the Air Force Jacket or sell it or trade it for now that I have it.....I am so sad that I can't wear it...


Now I know where I can get a reproduction of an Ike Jacket in my size..and god knows that if I only save the money I squander on other things I could easily BUY ONE....but I think in my heart I don't really want a SIZE 54 Ike Jacket.....the thought of looking like PATTON comes to mind...oooooooo....yuck. Its the same kind of thing that made me sell my XXL Wilsons MotorCycle Jacket (you know something like the Ramones would wear). I really looked like the TERMINATOR in it.....I mean I am a huge man....I do not need to wear THICK CLOTHES that make me look THREATENING.....it just scares people....I look menacing enough already....most days I try to look silly as to not draw attention to myself....instead of FEAR, people react with APATHY....."Ignore the crazy man, he'll go away.."

I sent a pic of me playing guitar and another pic of me playing a different guitar and a pic of the NEW ME....I sent them to you email account....sacredpsycho....that one....

So i'm dreaming right and I'm part of this special forces detachment thats deployed to a golf course somewhere.....Tiger Woods has fallen ill and we jumped in to rescue him before he dies...WE have secured the area......but then I discover that it is really a plot to have TIGER DIE! With Tiger out of the way, All those other golfers would have a chance!

In the next part of the dream I am confronted by my commanding officer who is played by my old UNT painting professor VERNON FISHER>...ahahahahahhahahahahahhh! As all good bad guys do, he monologues about the crime as he tells me how we will fight each other to the death with knives....(he has this knife my mother uses in the kitchen i don't know why) All I have to fight with is this red marks-o-lot.......its just not fair.....so I woke up.....staggered to the kitchen to have Orange Gatorade.

So three weeks ago I start playing this open mike.....there is this dude who runs the open mike....we shall call him the ASSHAT. I think what I did wrong from the start was try to people please this person but he is not nice this man and does not want to be my friend or help me play music....It really came to a head last wednesday.....I was playing my set and in the middle of the set behind a curtain on the stage some dude was just playing their acoustic as loud as they please DURING MY SET...If I had been running the show I would have immediately told that person to stop disrespecting the performer onstage and then apologize to the performer for the fact that it ever happened.....I asked the guy to stop playing from the stage...did ASSHAT do anything? No, he just told me to hurry up....I said I couldn't continue until the fellow quit playing their guitar...ASSHAT finally asked them to quit and I finished my set.....but then as I was about to leave he takes me aside to tell me I handled that situation completely unprofessionally! I should have LAUGHED right in face....the nerve he has to bandy about a term like UNPROFESSIONALLY....is it professional to play favorites towards certain performers who are not anymore talented that the other performers? Is it professional to have this attitude that if you want to play you are actually "putting him out" and are in fact an ANNOYANCE? IS it professional to run a music jam and NOT enjoy what you are doing, not have a good time, and all in all hate it and take it out on whoever is there that you don't like?

i have decided that somewhere something took a terriable wrong turn in my life...I think it was 1987. The year I lived alone in San Anglego and I was MANICALLY DEPRESSED....for like a year....If you were wondering, The Eighties ended in 1987 about the time the BEASTIE BOYS showed up....That was the end....The Nineties began even if it was a slow start right then...Now the reason I bring up 1987 is I am more a less a happy soul now...I have plenty of good friends even if I am sort of sore at them at times for no real good reason..I'm just sort of silly really....I am well fed and far from starving to death if suddenly the economy collapeses and we all go off to the soup and bread lines....I might even last a whole two years on the FAT reserves I have before the CONCENTRATION CAMP LOOK takes its hold....Basically I have everything I want, and if I don't have it, I soon get it....I am a spoiled child in that regard....I HAVE NOTHING TO BE UNHAPPY ABOUT.....well, except for not having a good grrl friend round, but I don't complain about that because I don't want to sound like Tim Thompson, the Human Weasel.

But there it is....This is what I am on about here....i am unhappy....I am so unhappy....I have everything I can posiably want and its not good enough....Its got to be 1987's fault.

I have this theory that after spending 1987 in such MEnTAL ANGUISH that I somehow subconsciously ENJOYED IT....I became "happy" being Unhappy....now whenever I am alone like now when my mom has gone to bed and none of my friends are here or talking to me on the phone, i become....UNHAPPY.....this is my comfort zone (subconsciously) Perhaps it is also because I FEAR being REALLY HAPPY because that might mean I'm MANIC and NOT WELL....so, if I'm unhappy all the time, then that means I'm not sick see and I'll be alright and I won't have to go back to the Archon Assylum...

Karl and Eleanor and I have started a wonderful Rock and Roll band and I'm happy bout that. But I'm unhappy....cause we are playing at the Aardvark on June 3rd Tuesday night, but I already know we prolly won't be asked back.

I was talking to El about this, and she realizes the shoegaze meets Sonic Youth approach to our set that we are going to take is not going to fly with anyone at the Aardvark, but I was explaining why I take it personally. I take it personally when I perform somewhere in Fort Worth and then the club does not ask me back because....My being asked back is contingent on whether Steve the Marine, his grrlfriend, and their friends enjoyed their beer while I played. There is no consideration of ART or whether or not I have merit as a performer or that I have skill as a wordsmith..NO! it all depends on whether or not THEY enjoyed Their BEER....I need to be from another part of the planet. perhaps another planet entirely or maybe just go to ENGLAND like STEVE the MARINE and his mousey grrlfriend suggested all those years ago.

but I digress. The topic of this jaunt was that I am unhappy.....I am losing all my friends....Ivan goes and sees Amber his new grrl all the time, Jeremy moved out because I am looking into going back to school...HA! I'm a fool....Eleanor is leaving in August for god knows where and I have no idea when she will come to visit. Jason has been gone to Arizona for years now, Elisabet will never return to Texas and has become a cult member of the Maharishi Clan....Clayton says he will come to Denton to play Magic with me on Wednesdays and he will be the only one left from the last ten years of friends that I have made....I will always have Karl and Clinton....but if I go back to school all my other friends are gone....maybe forever...and you are so far away my princess...I wish I could talk to you everyday but who the hell do I think I am anyway?

On a different Note I have been thinking that I would stop by your Grandma's house but I want to call on the phone first...I think I can find the number in an old calender the ones by the microwave in the kitchen, but send it to me if you know it..

I guess I'll move along with my cheap unhappy self now...I really have some cutting and pasting to do in Sound Forge for the upcoming rehearsal tomorrow...full band you know....we are El Diablo's Ghettoblaster and we perform playing along to a CD of HIDEOUS sounding noise played on a BOOM BOX...i gotta either make the CD in the morning or tonight...its looking like morning is going to win out....I just want to lay down and relax....I am always a wound up spring of tension....I want to crawl inside my shell and close the door....I want to hide my face from the world.....I want everything to just go away....but I really don't...I really want people to be around me....like in the old days.....what ever happened to me Michelle?.....Did I grow Old?

Cpatain! The Emo ship is listing hard to port. She's put up the white flag! She wants to surrender sir!

Now listen to me Yeoman...lock on phasers and set them to funky! load a full spread of Photon Torpedos and FIRE THE MOCK RAY!!!!!!!Let loose HELL ON THOSE EMO BASTARDS! NO PRISONERS! NO QUARTER!......have i made myself clear Yeoman?

uh, yes sir....

good now I'll be in my breifing room.....

The captain leaves the bridge by way of a ladder that cleverly leads to a Turbo Lift....

To my Briefing Room!

The lift jolts into operation flinging the captain to the left and to the right...left right left right in fact the captain looks like he's doing the mamba.....finally the lift stops and opens into his briefing room...

His Darth Vader cube thing opens up for him and he sets down inside....this mechanical wirey arm reaches down and takes his hat off lifting it up inside the Cube thing....The Captain situates himself in front of one of his drawing tables....he reaches for his journal....it is exactly 20 inches by 30 inches and 5 inches thick with two mechanical locks that resemble something like you would see on a mummies sarcophages like in some really silly horror movie....the captain then takes out of his pocket this little box, but its not a box cause when he taps the side it springs open to reveal that it is in fact the key to the journal, opening in the shape of a star....He places the star into the openings of the book and unlocks it then carefully opens the book which must date back to the very pharoahs themselves.....He takes out his favorite quill pen to write, dipping it in purple ink...

COMPUTER! Tea! Earl Grey! Hot!

the tea automatically appears next to the Captain and he begins to write.....

Dear Diary,

I am so excited to tell that today I made a wonderful accusition at a local thrift store! There I found an Ibanex Electric Guitar, practically brand new, for only 70 dollars! Why it would cost twice that much down on Anteres 3 or a Guitar Galaxy.....fuck Guitar Galaxy! Always selling there equipment to those Emo Bastards....! Why they even let those fuckers into contests to win equipment! Oh aren't we special! We're going to enter a contest! THE ONLY CONTEST THEIR GOING TO WIN ON MY WATCH IS THE AWARD FOR BEST SHIP DISINTIGRATION IN THE UNIVERSE!

So anyway, I invited the lovely Lt. Eleanor round to my quarters I did....I asked her to play drums with me.....We made beautiful music together....her on percussion and me playing my new but slightly used Ibanez.....and then it struck me....perhaps I made a poor carreer decision when I became the blood thrirsty murderous pirate that I am. Maybe I should have become a composer.....I have an ear for it you know....Why even Lt. Eleanor thought I was pretty good with the guitar and she wouldn't lie....why would she?.....well, I suppose she might lie so I don't throw her into the brig but I really wouldn't do that....well, not unless she said I REALLLY sucked like SUCKKED HARD like I was.......emo......

The Captain began to breathe funny.....he fumbled in his pocket for a pill case and pulled out a tiny capsule. He quickly swallowed it with some hot tea.....

He then regained his composure....

Now where was I? so yes I am very talented composer....Why I think I'll put on a concert...yes a concert for the whole crew.....right!

Captain to the Bridge!

yes sir Captain, Bridge here.

Did you completely blast that friggin Emo Ship to beyond the diameter of the known universe?

Aye, Captain!

Right! Now listen up. I've uh, got a treat for all you hard working lads aboard this vessel. Tonight, I will give a ROCK AND ROLL CONCERT!

silence.....

WELL!

AYE CAPTAIN! A ROCK AND ROLL CONCERT!

I want everyone to be on deck at six bells....yes....and dressed in the finest navy regalia!
Bring us round to land on Anteres four were going to need to go to shore and get some nice punch...maybe some orderves.....you know those funny little things on the plastic swords I love those.....funny little plastic swords. Right! Now hop to it! I'll be practicing in my briefing room!

The captain pulls out his new but slightly used Ibanez guitar from under his desk and plugs it in to the ship's loud system. He begins to play and sing. His guitar playing is completely atonal and out of tune.....

"Oh the sea! She is a harsh Mistress matey! You'be gotta love her or be damned!"

"Yes The sea! She is a Harsh Mistress laddy! Give her all you have and she'll just take more!"

Once I sailed the sea! When I was a Young Man! I gave her all my love! but it was all just a sham!

You see the madien the sea is not like any other winches. No she's a harsh mistress and she'll take you by your very inches!

So tie me to the mast my mateys! Tie me to the mast my love! tie me to the mast and beat me like the dog that I am! for sea dogs never die! Theirs is not to Question why!

No its their lot in life to sail the sea....the mistress is harsh laddies! and she leave you damned!"


so....what did everyone think?


sir?


about my song?


uh, it was really good sir....

really?

yes really we were all quite impressed....sir....

what impressed you the most?

oh it was difinately the part about the sea sir....

Monday, May 19, 2008


my carreer as an artist takes a successful turn
Current mood: artistic

So like um....can you tell I am an American? I have been doing this thing for years now where I make Punk Clothes.....to sell to YOU....only YOU have never bought any....its not your fault....my threads cost money....you need your money for other things....rent, food, gas, WoW, maybe drugs and alcohol.....why would you want to buy my clothes anyway? Most punk rockers would find the idea silly.....I mean punks make their own stuff right? And then they give it away to the first grrl they fall in love with....she usaully dumps him soon and he doesn't even have his cool clothes anymore....He's walking around in a Ramones T-shirt and she's going to the clubs with some other guy wearing his Sleeveless Denim Vest with all this cool stud work that he literally sweated and sweated over each damn little pyramid stud worked into place just so.....Was it worth it? Well, he could always come see me and get something to replace it. But I don't work with studs....there's no pay off in it for me since no one wants to pay me by the hours it would take to stud out the shoulders of a Denim Vest....but that is not really what this blog entry is about.

This blog entry is about a book called, "The business of Being and Artist".In this book, it tells you yes you must be an artist to be an artist...you have to have studied art and maybe bothered to get a degree and you MUST make ART....this is a very important part of being and artist. You have to WORK.....but it does not stop there.....for the book goes on to tell you just because you got out of school does that mean that people are going to fall all over themselves and get in a crooked line to lay down hundreds and hundreds of dollars for your art...NO! There is even more WORK involved.....This is where you find you were in fact completely FAILED by your art school....because success as an artist does not lie in how well you can paint in a brushstroke that really reminds people of Phillip Guston....it depends on entirely on how well you PROMOTE yourself....YOU are suddenly your own MARKETING MANAGER.....in fact the book tells you to be prepared to be a whole SWAT team of people. You must be the SECRETARY handling phone calls to Dealers and Galleries making sure they know who you are and then making sure you call them back so they don't forget (or they just decide your some kind of stalker). You must be the gracious HOST who invites dealers and buyers round to you studio to feed them pricey cheese and the most expensive wine you can afford hoping they will really be impressed and send someone round with a FAT CHECK to buy ALL YOUR ART. You must be your own ART DIRECTOR hiring a photographer to take pictures of all your work for slides....then you must mail the slides ( an endless set of slides) all over the country....and you need a file for that so you know who you sent the slides to and then there's the drill with the phone calls and more phone calls. Are you getting a clear picture here......Are you starting to understand the reasons for the conversation Van Gogh had with the revolver? Stupid get couldn't even shoot himself right, he died later of complications to his head wound....some luck huh?

Well, after reading several different parts of the book I was crying and moaning to all of my friends about how imposiable all that is......until suddenly yesterday happened. But wait, I'm leaving something out. Let's start at the begining shall we?

The "begining" occured three weeks ago when I finally REALLY decided to REALLY go down to the flea market and sell my punk clothes.....the first two weeks after going in the hole about 100 dollars, we made exactly 26 bucks back.
Then on Saturday the unexpected happened. I was outside the barn smoking and a lady told my mom she liked my jackets....Well, very few people had even looked at my jackets and most everyone was doing sommersaults to ignore them as if I, my booth, and my clothes were not even there....

It was getting late in the day and she stopped back by with her fellow and she wasn't going to stop....well, I learned something recently about SALES.....if you are in sales listen up, this may help you a lot......YOU CAN"T SELL ANYTHING UNLESS YOU TALK......so I said to her, "My mom said you like my jackets." she came over to talk.....

It turned out that she sells stuff in Dallas on consignment and eventually clued me in that she wanted to buy my stuff cause she was going to be able to get more over in Dallas.....I showed her my newest punk rock creation....it is the ARMY SHIRT WITH THE SINGLE PATCH. These cost little to make and I offered her all five that I had for $100.00....Kaching!.....she handed me two crisp 50 dollar bills.....now that is not all that this story has to tell.....for it was not important that I made $100.00 as it was fortuneate.....what was really important here is that I made.....a CONTACT.......and now if she is able to double her money by selling those shirts I think she will be back....I have decided I will only ever charge her 20 dollars a shirt....but I'm going to charge YOU $25.......hey. I need WoW too.

Now your prollly wondering, Robbo what the hell was up with that book thing? After all this happened I realized I AM doing the things the book tells me to do and its NOT imposiable.....although a lot of multitasking is involved. but here is a list of what I did that the book told me to do.

1. I made art
2. I displayed my art in public (okay I know its only a flea market but hey it seemed to work out right?)
3. I sold my art to a dealer/collector
4. I made a contact in a big city with all the money.

I tell this story hoping anyone who reads it will not be discouraged in their pursuit of their dreams. If your an artist a book like that might help you and I hope my story gives you ideas as well......Robbo

music: The Arcade Fire: Neon Bible (but that was a minute ago now its) MATRIX sound track

I have a friend named michelle and she is a member of your generation, generation X....we are all trying to help her....no not really.....what i'm saying here is that she is my biggest music fan ever.....I love her....I just sent her two of my old Zen Nano's that contain pretty much the whole 1 GB of my entire music carreer....ahhh, I can see her now....driving around her town with her ear buds pluged in listening to me singing Radiohead Therapy and Creep and singing right along word per word. SHe knows just about ALL THE WORDS TO ALL MY SONGS...and that's the point see....I need more Generation X Grrls to be this familar with my music....why just think....if you are a Gen X Grrl (and you can be a Gen Y grrl too I don't mind) You can start listening to my music today and in a month you should be familar with ALL 200 SONGS....and then you can tell a friend! and she can be a ROBBO fan too! and then she can tell a friend.....its easy.....by the end of the year, I'll have enough fans that maybe Hollywood will finally call....well, not Hollywood, New York City....yeh, Definately New York City....no Earthquakes just planes flying into buildings.....

so now that you know what to do...heres where to go...go to www.rwsart.com and click on the music link......then one by one load all the mp3s on your player...You go grrls! and just to get you started so you know all the lyrics here is a song I wrote just for michelle....its called Dont leap off of buildings..

if you're a green grrl, don't dye yourself blue

don't go to all those blue bars like the blue grrls do

cause all of those blue grrls they'll just treat you mean

underneath that pretty blue dye job they'll know that you're green

if you go to the snake bar don't wear a snake skin

all of the snake boys will smile at you as they invite you in

and they'll treat you so kindly that you'll just pass away

and as they're removing their fangs this is the last thing you'll hear them say

if you're not one of the snakes, please stay out of the snake pit

if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen

if you're afraid to fly, get off of the airplane

if you think you might fall, don't leap off of buildings

No I would not be a mason no. not even if you got down on your knees and begged me

no. I would not be a mason.

I would not be a mason no. not even if you got down on your knees and begged me, no! I would not be a mason.

I WOULD NOT BE A MASON NO! NOT EVEN IF YOU GOT DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND BEGGED ME! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND BEGGED ME!

wait I didn't mean that. I really want to be a mason.

I really didn't mean that. can I please can I please be a mason?

I really didn't mean that. can i please can i please can i please be a mason?

If you're not one of the snakes, please stay out of the snake pit.

if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen

if you're afraid to fly! Get off of the Airplane!

if you think you might fall....don't leap off of buildings.




so get to it grrls.....go to my site and become a ROBBO fan today....!

Captain! Emo Bands are warping into the sector at light speed!
Hard to Starboard! Warp Ten at the Helm! Hoist the Jolly Roger and unfurl the sail! Ready at the harpoons! give them a taste of the triple Cannons! We'll come up along side them and use the MOCK RAY! When they begin to cry we'll board thier vessels!....now if you'll excuse me I'll be below in my quarters.....

The captain steps from the main deck on the bridge into a wooden doorway that leads to a turbo lift....To my quarters!....the Turbo lift takes the captain down several decks to his quarters and opens. The captain steps out of another wooden doorway into a candle lit room just below the bridge of the great sailing ship.....COmputer! Tea! Earl Grey! Hot!........a mug of Hot Earl Grey Tea magically appears next to the Captain as he positions himself at his drawing table...he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his Creative Muvo 2gb Mp3 player and puts on something by Robbo Guitarslinger.....he jacks the player into the line in of a jam box and turns up the volume. "now...where was I?......oh, yes Islamic Design"

The captain then gets out a french curve a triangle a compass and a ruler and some paper and a couple of mechanical pencils...he reaches for an instruction book called, "How to draw Geometric Islamic Design and Teselations". He looks through the books for one example to copy.

"hmmmm.....no.....no not that one......no no.......no.......hmmmm,what about this....no......ah, here's just the one"

The captain then painstakingly and in very fine and faint lines renders the pattern of the design on his piece of paper carefully laying the whole thing out in meticulously stright lines from the ruler and triangle.........he works calmly, laboring intensely.....day turns into night....he works for several hours.....

Then suddenly, and explosion rocks the ship! Water begins pouring in from above the Captain's quarters all over his drawing desk and wonderful drawring....

"that' it!"

The Captain quickly retruns to the bridge. Damage Report Helmsman!

Sir, we were taken by surprise by an Emo Deathcruiser! Power is down 80% all over the ship. when the Deathcruiser made her pass, it took out our main mast! We're dead in the water Sir!
I think they intend to board us!

"Right! I want full impulse power and and divert all power to the shields! I'll ram this ship right down their throats before I'll be boarded by a bunch of whiney EMOS! And they'll like it! Give me all the speed she'll deliver! I don't care if we have to use Hankerchiefs!
Fly! Fly striaght at them!

The Deathcruiser started to make another run and the Captain's vessel positioned itself directly in the Deathcruisers path.....heading striaght into the enemy ship as fast as she could go....

FIRE THE MOCK RAY!

aye Captain!

an aside. the mock ray is a wonderful weapeon designed by the telepaths of anteres 3....mostly used in the Emo Wars because it was so effective againist the pathetic whiny babies that headed up their most elite battle sqaudrons, The Mock Ray was lethal....The Mock ray's biggest plus was that it worked right through enemy ships sheilds and once it hit the cerebral cortex of the brain the extogamma radiation from the ray caused the target to form "a commitee" in thier head...This commitee would then start to tell the individual whom was hit by the Mock Ray things like "You know you really suck! You should just end it all right now! Your pathetic and you always will be! You know why that grrl you loved left you don't you! Its because your just a little whiney baby and you suck! You suck so hard you leave teeth marks! you know all is lost don't you? You know you have no Chance? Why don't you just blow the ship your on the fuck up right now and save the galaxy a lot of trouble not having to chase your sorry ass down and snuffing you out you pathetic piece of crap!"

The committee is quite effective at illiminating 90% of those who recieve a full dose of the Extogamma Radiation....some subjects have been known to only last an hour before commiting suicide or just jumping out of an airlock....now back to the story...

Captain its working! The Emo Deathcruiser is losing speed and falling of course...She's Ours Captain!

Prepare To board! once were along side fire all cannons at will! NO PRISONERS! NO QUARTER!


ahh, its so nice to be in your very own Navy.....a pirates life is the life for me!

Dear Princess In St. Louis,

Pookie here.a brief recap of what I described to you on the phone....we tried to buy a car...we did actaully....the guy who took our honda never took our name off the title...in fact he can't...he has the car. we do not know where he is or how to find him or the car...we have hired a lawyer who wrote him a nice letter asking for the car to be returned...right now, we are now paying for two cars. The cops say this is a civil matter.

we are broke...I beg for money from my mom now whenever I want to go out...my sensei has told me not to spend money and I should try to start a savings account but I don't know how. I await the news of July when I will discover if I am going to get any amount of disability whatsoever. Vets are coming home from Iraq in a lot worse shape than me.

OH LORD, PLEASE OFFER ME A JOB! I've got to find some way to make money. waiting around for Hollywood to discover me is not paying off.

WAYS POOKIE HAS TRIED TO MAKE MONEY:
i made wonderful paintings and drawings and tried to sell them.....over the past ten years I have made less than $1000 as an artist.

I record talented breaking musicians in my home: I have made roughly 500 dollars in the last five years.

I created the fashion sensation RWSartTHREADS and made PUNK ROCK CLOTHING for kids...who could not afford them.....I have had some of them stolen though....I have made less than 100 dollars from RWSart THREADS.

Ihave created the ROBBO BOX. multiple CDs of my music in one great CD wallet for sale at only $25...I have not sold one...but I have given almost 30 of them away to friends.

up on the web for almost ten years now is rwsart.com Have I sold any Art, Music, clothing? Nope....it might have to do with the fact that I have no email on the site posted! crap....I need to change that....

I earned a dollar in a silly movie where I potrayed myself as a crackhead.....Hollywood still has not called.....I'm waiting.......(looking nervously at the phone)


well, where was I? I was telling you next my plans to go back to UNT in Denton where I will study MUSIC and COMPOSITION...I will then end up with a PHD from the COMPUTER AND ELECTRONIC MUSIC INSITITUTE there on campus....I will go into massive debt to pay for this. when it is over, there will be nothing for it....I'll have to find a job...None of this mucking about in disabled from Bipolor bear disorder limbo...oh no, I'll be a real DOCTOR OF MUSIC and that means I'll have to DO SOMETHING....prolly me mums going to be gone after that....my brother will descend on her carcass like an evil vulture....he'll try to eat me in the process....

that's about it...

I'm being stalked now....by Chris Peterson....for reasons I won't go into, I told him we are not friends anymore....now he is going to stalk me....I told him not to call or come by my home...he called tonight to say Happy Easter Rob....I said yeh,...I told you not to call me. Click. the partially filled out restraining order with his name on it is begining to look good.


Now I did mention Ancient Egyptian Music to you so I thought I would include some of my writing about it if I can find it.....hold on a minute..no this isn't going to work right now...my computers are cursing me with "WONDERFUL WORLD OF TECHNOLOGY HAPPINESS!" I could just vomit...

Tonight the debate you've been waiting for:Hillary vs. Mad Ivan


Mrs. Clinton we all know your stance on health insurance, tell us again how all americans can come to enjoy such a luxury?

Hillary: well, first of all---

Mad Ivan: (interupting) SHUT UP YOU FUCKING DEMOCRATIC CUNT! ITS THE LIKES OF YOU AND YOUR CHEATING NO GOOD HUSBAND THAT GOT US INTO THIS GOD FORSAKEN MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU'VE SOLD OUT THEJOBS OF 500,000 AMERICANS EVERY YEAR SINCE 1993 IN THE NAME OF NAFTA AND NOT ONLY THAT you did business with china! TRAITOR! I SAY ANYONE WHO VOTES FOR YOU OUGHT TO GO AHEAD AND PUT ON THIER FACIST UNIFORM AND JUST NOT KID THEMSELVES ABOUT WHO THEY REALLY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!bitch!

well, lets ask Ivan a question now shall we?

Ivan what do you think should be done to solve all of americas problems?

Mad Ivan: Its simple. abolish income taxes. They are unconstitutional. God only wants 10%. But today with the taxes we pay, we are paying 50-60% of our income.WHY? SO GLORIFIED HOUSEWIVES OF FORMER PRESIDENTS LIKE HILLARY HERE CAN GET CORPERATE FUNDING FOR HER CAMPAIGN WHILE SHE BASHES NOT ONLY THE REPUBLICANS BUT THE CANDIDATES OF HER OWN PARTY! yOU FUCKING CUNT WHORE! YOU MAKE ME SICK THE SIGHT OF YOU MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE IN YOUR MOUTH BUT YOU'D ENJOY THAT WOULDN'T YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FEMINIST! WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT THAT YOUR A FACIST AND GO OVER TO CHINA TO BE WITH YOUR COMMIE FACIST BUDDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!BITCH!

okay, Ivan seems to have made his point clear. What do you have to say to that Hillary, you fucking piece of shit cunt whore feminist who sleeps with the likes of communists and cheating men?

Hillary: well, I'd like to say-----

Mad IVan : (interupting) FUCK YOU YOU DEMOCRATIC PROSTITUTE! WE CAN ALL SEE WHERE THIS GOING! YOUR GOING TO TRY AND ATTACK MY CHARACTER! HA! YOU COULDN'T LIVE UP TO MY CHARACTER IF YOU DID THE RIGHT THING ALL THOSE YEARS AGO AND LEFT BILL! BUT NO! YOU LIKE BEING THE WIFE OF A MAN WHO DESIRES YOU SO LITTLE THAT HE BEDS EVERY BIMBO FROM HERE TO DEMOINE! WHY? because you like the name CLINTON! you like being named after someone who was....PRESIDENT! THE ONLY WAY YOUR EVER GONNA BECOME PRESIDENT IS IF HALIBURTON BUYS THE ELECTION FOR YOU! I DON"T THINK YOU CAN GIVE THAT MANY BLOW JOBS BY NOVEMBER HILLARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!bitch! I betcha wanna suck my dick.....

Load the particle canon! shields up! Warp 4 at the helm! Tell the cook to delay my Tea.Earl Grey.Hot...and my peanut butter sandwich with grape jelly....and now some music mateys! sing! all you scaborous dogs!

You are....so beautiful....to me.....
You are....so beautiful....to me.....
can't you see? eee-eee-eee-eee?
You're everything I hoped for!
You're everything I need!

You are so beautiful...to me!

That's got em psyched out! Fire The Confusapedeos!

If you need me further I'll be in my quarters....

(sound of the captain going down stairs....jingling of keys.....unlocks and opens a creeky door)

Computer! Lights! and Tea. Earl Grey. Hot! Put on Mazzy Star's third album.

(Tea magically appears by the Captain as he sits down in his Darth Vader hut and it closes. The sound of Hope Sandaval and Mazzy Star plays softy. The Captain turns to his drawring table and blows the dust and cobwebs of of a huge journal that has two locks on it...he opens the journal and grabbing a feathery quill pen dips it in purple ink..)

Dear Diary, it is the 13th of March 2008 A.D. and there is still no sign of land....mostly because we are in the depths of outer space. Today I had to take an away team with me as I was responding to a request to be a stand in in a film. (I just take the away team with me to look like they are protecting me and they can fetch me tea and generally make me feel important) the scene was a mock wedding and the producer and director secured a real church and then after they were through there they had rented a ballroom at this slimmy hotel down on Beach Street for the reception where they served the GODAWFULEST quesadias in the galaxy. They were almost as bad a Elementary school cafeteria food. I think instead of cheese they used pimento cheese spread. and they microwaved all the chicken instead of grilling it...yuck....I came back to the ship and I was exhausted but now the movie is done and they post produce it and finish it in the can early next week..

Mad Ivan was the one who got me into all this...On Sunday I was asleep sitting on the bridge and he called my cell phone..."Captain Robbo! We need you! COme do a bit in our movie! dress absurdly! wear a funny hat! bring your guitar!" so I did...I put on my ramones jacket..the one I made out of the banana republic jacket...I wore my leather civil war kepi and took my $25 mexican guitar with me...I do this absurd scene as a musician who thinks he is an avant garde composer and needs someone to give him his big break....wait a minute....I am an avant garde composer who needs someone to give me a break....I wonder if they were making fun of me?....why is the tea always gone? Computer! Tea! Earl Grey! Hot!....oh shit I wrote it down instead of saying it....

"computer! Tea! Earl Grey! HOt!"

That's better. Well, everything is really okay here on the pirate ship El Experimenta Musica. We successfully destroyed 39 EMO ships this month and took the surviving crew members and shaved off their pretty little moptops and made them join the REAL NAVY....they cry their little eyes out as they are swabing the deck while we make them listen to Ministry and Throbing Grissle.....oh, I know its creul but someone's got to burst they're little bubble....it's a very creul world out there....for pirates especially...

Captain Robbo....pirate

oh elise it doesn't matter what you say...I just can't stay here every yesterday and keep on acting out the same way that we act out everyday to smile and then to make believe we never wanted anymore than this anymore than this....fuck you all, I'm NOT emo......I merely listen to the Cure to reveal my soft side....Crank up The DEATH METAL!...now...

TO whom it may concern....As i said to someone dear to me recently whom shall go unnamed, I am fat...I weigh 300 pounds..as a result of this yesterday I consulted with my shrink and asked him to take me off of the awful medicine that makes me gain weight and then makes it imposiable to take it off...well, he very nearly did change my meds...but I could tell he was REAL squimish about it...It had been in the back of my mind to try JENNY CRAIG once more anyway....so before there is anymore talk about me drastically changing my meds that keep me from entering the FOURTH DEMONTION.....I will try to lose weight while I take it, eating Jenny Craig, and .....EXERCISING>......jesus christ....

what else? Mom bought me a Jazz Guitar! This summer I am going to take JAZZ GUITAR LESSONS....I hate jazz....but I'm off to school again to study Composition! I'm going to be the next Rockmanonoff Baby! My Jazz Guitar is not real special..its special enough but I'll still look like the poor cousin at the UNT jazz hall where all the 19 year guitarist play 1500 dollar gutiars and can play like Eric Johnson or Alex Lifeson...and can sight read circles around me. It is an Epiphone Archtop ES-335 copy or a Dot as it is called, with Grover tuners (ahh, grover tuners....drool)....shiny gold hardware and sunburst. So yeh, I'm going back to shcool...I just need to figure out what's going to pay for it and get off my ass to insure I get in on time....deadlines you know....always deadlines....I missed a deadline on Saturday when I was due to take some artwork to a local art gallery/coffee house....Now I just know its too late....I am paralyzed with apathy about it.....fuck....what's wrong with me?

what else is up? let's talk about my brother like he is a nice person....my wonderful brother has finely secured a position with his firm where not only is he doing the job of five men, he is finally being paid like he is five men...or at least four men....(see is you can read between the lines) Richard has been very generous with his new found money and is helping us now very slightly financially. In no way does he hold it over our heads or make us feel like we are forever indebted to him. Why he is always available for us whenever we call and he never gets angry even if he is right in the middle of doing the job of five men and he never threatens us or acts like we are his servants when in fact we are his own flesh and blood. Gee, My brother is swell. He's just like the brother on Leave it to Beaver....Golly. It's great to have a brother like Richard. Richard tells me he is getting more Buddhist everyday....Every morning he says a prayer to his ego that he is able to get out of the way of himself so he can do his own will...he and his estranged wife have an understanding that when he is cheating on her its all really very Buddhist. I mean Buddha was always fooling around wasnt' he? was'nt he? I mean Adultry is a Christian Concept after all and it doesn't apply to Buddhist, right? right?

I got a C-PAP machine for my sleep apnea....I can't use the damn thing....it really sucks to be me...I'm going to drive off the road in my sleep...I fall asleep on the couch everyday like an old man...sometimes I drool on myself...yuck. I wake up all alone and I feel awful....like somekind of outcast.....Robert, the snoring sleep apnea monster....

I got a drawring table out in my studio now! I feel bad that for the last two weeks or so I haven't been inspired to do any art....I was on a bent there for a moment to do Islamic Design...but suddenly that lost momentum. ? You can see my designs on Deviant Art...~Rwsart. I don't like my nice things like my drawring table to collect dust....but dust they seem to collect...I have all these toys and no one to play with...I be Leonardo DeVinci was a Lonely Lonely man....

At least he had self motivation....or something...

all right you boot licking scalliwags! shape up! look alive and get these decks shiny clean! hoist the tattooed sails! Hard along the yardarms! We're out of here....!

21 Dec 2007

Anybody remember Scary Friendly?
Current mood: adventurous


Once upon a time, me and me mates were in a band called Scary Friendly. We were punk lads at the time, young loud and snotty....it was the heady days of 1977 and punk rock was just getting started. I remember talking to my good friends Joey and Johnny Ramone about how exciting it was to be spearheading something that in 25 years time would be completely sold out and commercialized for popular consumption by a generation that wouldn't know Lou Reed from Billy Idol, or the Dead Boys from Lords of the New Church......Stiv who?

Well, Even though our 1977 debut album was acclaimed as a hit....it didn't sell well....our tour was met by abuse from the press as being Anti-American, Anti-Christian, Marxist ( we had a song about Groucho), and dammit, we had good points and all of them were right. The radio canned our record. Our shows were crowded with Right wing Conservative Red necks who beat us up after every show......THAT'S punk rock....But we never stopped touring, until the drummer quit....he cracked like an egg. He couldn't handle the pressure of being on the road (and being beaten up every night). The remaining members of the band and I decided to call it quits.......

Looking back after all these years, I miss it all, the abuse, the physical pain, the head injuries. I decided to email my old friend and bass player from Scary Friendly, Space Captain X if he would start a new band with me....but now I wonder....am I still the straping young snot I was when I was 17? Am I enough of an asshole even now to tote the note as the front man of a fill tilt Rock and Roll band? The questions reminded me of....well, we'll call him Mr.D.

Mr.D. was a friend of the drummer. He wanted to be in the band but could not play an instrument. I tried him out on Sax but either I made a teriable mistake showing him the chart or he could not even paly Middle C on his horn...The idea of Mr.D being in Scary Friendly was begining to be quite frightening. Where were we going to put him? what would he do? We thought breifly about him being a back up singer. we could have him off stage and behind a curtain so NOBODY would notice.....maybe turn down his vocal in the mix quite a bit.....well, fortunately, Mr. D never actaully joined the band....but now.....I wonder....

At 44, does Robbo Guitarslinger, one of the first Punk Rockers in Tarrant County still have what it takes to play Rock and Roll? Or, am I too Fat and out of shape and hopelessly rolly polly? Am I going to be disappointed if none of the Young Women at the show want to "follow me home" from the concert? Or, will the sheer number of attractive females that want to do me overwhelm my tiny sex drive and make me have a mental breakdown where I will be forced to go to treatment for Sex Addiction and then what will I do......let's see I quit drugs already......If I give up sex........I mean I used to say SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL! now I say SEX AND ROCK AND ROLL!.......how on earth can you just say ROCK AND ROLL! (really, if you keep up with certain euphenisms you already realize its the same thing).

So you see what I'm getting at. I have become Mr. D!!!!!!!!! Where on earth will they hide me at the shows? How can I headline a Rock And Roll band from behind a curtain....or in a specially made box that's completely sound proof so like NO sound can escape...? Well, that's me dilemma isn't it....I think I know what to do....

We will have this contest like American Idol.....The winner gets to become the new "mime" for Scary Friendly's reunion. He will pretend to sing and pretend to play guitar on stage and he'll be looking cool and sexy for all the young grrrls. He wear make up and fancy costumes that his friends will insist are really his clothes....Meanwhile, I'll be playing my ass off in a sound proof Studio compartment off stage.....screaming the lyrics out just like I uses to back in '77 and banging and bashing my electric guitar in to the crazy backbeat of our new drummer ( I hear the Clash's old drummer is looking for a gig) while Space Captain X (whose still good looking enough to be on stage) slams out the backbone bass of the bombastic punk anthems that now stand out in EVERYONE"S mind as the best those days had to offer...Songs like Killers, Song of the Damned, Man with a Mission, Painting Venus, X-child and more....

This way the young straping "stand in" who merely "looks good" while me and me mates play the show, can take home all the young women he can handle.....and I can go home to bed with my kitties.......nice kitties....



This christmas has had three great things happen for Robbo that make it a Christmas to remember...

1. My mom bought me a '06 HHR by Chevy

2. My mom let me take my Ibanez GSA-60 to the shop to have three kill switches put in place of the five way switch so now, all three picks up can be turn on and off anyway I want.....instead of five postions, I now have seven

bridge pickup

center pickup

neck pickup

bridge and center pickup

center and neck pickup

bridge and neck pickup

all three pickups on

technically, there are eight postions if you count all pickups off......but that's silly right?

3. I traded in my mexican tele and Epiphone SG (acdc guitar except mine was m&m Green) and With added help from Mom I got THE MOST MAGNIFICENT GUITAR I WILL EVER OWN>.......

The Dean Avalanche 7 Ultra, 7 String Electric Guitar with Floyd Rose locking tremolo system, Grover tuning keys, and Two Humbuckers.....!



yes, its a merry christmas alright



Robbo Guitarslinger

I am writing to all of you to announce that this morning I have broken through the denial....Today I made a purchase that in no way denies the obvious....that I.....am a FAT FAT FAT man......Today, shortly after 7pm at the Walmart on Hulen, I bought a pair of Dickies Bib Overalls (size 46X32). Yes, I look like a farmer.....In fact I have decided Farming is really the life for me....in theory....you see, now that I have determined that I am in fact FAT....and since the only way to be comfortable is to wear the bib overalls, I will now become a Theorehetical Farmer.....Today I will be working in my Bib Overalls (and a nice Mexican Cowboy hat I found at Wally world for only six bucks) on my Theorhetical Farm...As I write this, I am Theorizing all the things I will do on my Farm...in Theory....Right now, It is time to milk the Theorhetical Cows, Then I have to feed the Theorhetical Chickens, I can't forget about that Theorhetical Barb Wire Fence that needs mending and then I've got to plow the North Forty....in Theory.....in my Theorhetical Tractor.......may need some Theorhetical Gasoline.....

So just to let you know, if you want to join me and once and for all admit you are FAT FAT FAT......just run down to the Theorhetical Walmart and get yourself a pair of BIB OVERALLS by Dickies.....mine were only 32 dollars plus tax......if you go to the Hulen store they still have some of those mexikin Cowboy hats for six dollars left.....in theory.....

In Theory, Farmer Pookie

"Alright you assholes form up on me! We're going in!
We were surrounded by heavy fire as we marched our awesome's onto the battlefield. It wouldn't be long before the enemy mechs appeared on our scopes.
"Contact sir! bearing 230 degrees and closing fast!"
We turned our mechs to intercept but it was already to late. Explosions rocked our front line mechs to the sound of an Autocannon 30. On the horizon we saw we had met our match. It was the enemy's most powerful mech.......known as "Pilsbury Dough Boy".....but we always only called it that because it looked just like the Pilsbury Dough Boy. It really was kind of insulting that the enemy made their mechs look "cute" and "harmless". The mechs WE rode into battle in looked fierce and menacing,...while the enemy made their mechs all "soft and fluffly".

I fired all my weapeons at once at the Dough boy....direct hits all,,,,but the tall white smiling mech seemed to take no damage at all....He let his Autocannon roar but I was able to move fast and he missed.....but then his relief came and I knew it was all over.....over the horizon, three furrie cute Kitty Mechs entered the fray....their Long Range Lasers blasting at me.

I decided to retreat to higher ground.....at least their most feared mech had not entered the battle....uh, oh, scratch that......As I turned my mech to the North I had not notice I had been flanked....There right in front of me was the most feared of all enemy mechs......the Tony The Tiger mech.........It wasnt' feared so much because of its armorment or artillery....it was because everytime it fired it shouted....."TASTES"S GRRRRRREAT!".......It was really insulting and condesending.....in fact this whole mess is silly....I'm outta here....Where's the escape key......


...My mech warrior 4 vengence came today. Its nurdtastic.....Roberto